Tis the season to be jolly … ho ho you might say in between juggling the last minute Auchan dash before all the toys have been sucked up by St Nick and seating plans for Christmas lunch with the in-laws. Ok so it might be a tad stressful organizing that perfect chocolate box family scene (Remember it’s NOT real) but at least all our kids are on best behavior! This is where us Brits can smile superciliously because our secret weapon is coming to town – so you better be good…

In the past couple of months we have been exploring how we encourage good behavior in our children. And yet let’s face it, at this very moment many of us are actively participating in the biggest conspiracy of childhood. Which leaves us with a bit of a dilemma. I appreciate that this may be a cultural one for the British; as we sit back and relax in the knowledge that beds will be made, rooms tidied and dishes magically cleaned and put away until December 24^th. For our hosts, who get it all over and done with for sweeties in shoes, at least they aren’t committing major fraud making their little ones believe that Father Christmas will get that PlayMobil castle down the chimney. Hey but remember we didn’t come up with the ultimate whopper – NASA’s Santa Tracking device. I jest of course but the horrible truth remains that all this power rests on a lie. Avert your eyes now if you don’t want to know the truth, but sooner or later our kids will know that kindly old gentlemen in red suits are not flying through the sky to deliver our hearts desire. Generally it’s harassed mums (sorry dads – another one of those truisms) who have not only helped little ones write the lists but have researched, sourced and wrapped said items to be delivered in time for Christmas morning and the end of agreed period of best behavior (cue too much chocolate & excitement).

So why as our kids most positive role models do we agree to this make believe?

This was the question I asked myself several years ago when my son who was growing older and wiser was faced with the blatant statement in the playground ‘Everyone knows HE doesn’t exist!’ Anxious not to get drawn into debate I simply asked him what he thought. My innocent and beautiful son looked at me and said calmly ‘Mummy I believe in the magic’. In that moment I weighed up in my head all those years of sharing in his anticipation and excitement verses the knowledge that I had actively encouraged him to believe in the benevolence of a stranger who could know him as intimately as myself. From that time I did begin to prepare myself for the day when ‘tooth fairies’ and ‘Easter bunnies’ would no longer exist for my child.

Did I take advantage of his innocence by allowing him to believe in the magic?

Possibly, but I am a strong believer in the 80/20 rule. As human beings we can only get it right 80% of the time and hope that whatever falls into the remaining 20% won’t hurt anyone. The answer to my dilemma followed some years later when my son finally asked me directly ‘Are you and dad Father Christmas?’ With such a direct question I knew the time had come. What followed was one of those special moments that we all experience as parents from time to time, moments that makes all those unmade beds, messy bedrooms and dirty dishes worth it. We took the time to sit with all the questions that followed. While my son’s innocence unfolded, it revealed yet another layer of sweet intelligence. Afterwards I asked him if he minded our deception and whether he thought we should tell his little sister? Without hesitation he answered ‘But Mummy I still believe in the magic – can I help you this year?’

Merry Christmas x

 

 

 

Lynn Frank is a coordinator for Passage, the Parent Support Group for the English-speaking community in Luxembourg. If you would like to know more about our work contact us at passage.parents@gmail.com