From an adult perspective, it’s easy to forget just how stressful going back to school can be for children and teenagers. We might look back on our school days with nostalgia remembering a time when we were free from adult responsibilities, enjoyed time with friends, and discovered new things. But we may also recall moments of anxiety- the struggle to fit in, the desire to be accepted, or the challenges of schoolwork. These memories, both positive and negative, often shape how we support the children and young people in our care. For many children, feelings about the new school year are mixed—and that’s completely normal. They may be excited to see old friends or meet new classmates, but they might also feel anxious about unfamiliar teachers, academic expectations, changing classrooms, or starting at a new school altogether. Many of us were told as children, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” While well-meaning, this can minimize a child’s very real emotions. What they need most is reassurance that these feelings—nervousness, fear, excitement—are completely valid.
Will I make friends?
Will I fit in?
Will I be bullied?
Am I clever enough?
What if I hate it here?
These are real concerns, and every child will have different worries depending on their age, personality, and place in the school system. While we as adults may feel we have limited freedom in our busy lives, it’s important to remember that children have very little choice at all—they are required to attend school for at least 10 of their first 16 years. Each day, they face challenges, often alongside peers they didn’t choose, in environments that may feel overwhelming. Add to that the constant assessments and social dynamics, and it’s no wonder some children can’t wait to grow up and take control of their own lives.
Start by making time to talk -without interruptions from phones, screens, or other people. Ask open-ended questions like:
“Do you have any worries about going back to school?”
“What are you most looking forward to?”
“What are you feeling unsure about?”
Listen actively and without judgment. Avoid interrupting or trying to ‘fix’ their feelings right away. Just being heard can help children begin to process their emotions and feel more in control.
If your child expresses strong emotions or seems overwhelmed, gently ask if they’ve faced similar feelings before and how they got through it. Remind them of times they’ve successfully handled challenges in the past. This builds confidence and resilience.
If they talk about being bullied or struggling with school, take it seriously. Ask if it’s okay to write down their concerns, making it clear you won’t share anything with the school without their permission. Use these notes to better understand their experience and work together on a plan for how you can support them.
Just knowing that you care, that you’re listening, and that you’re willing to help makes a huge difference. It empowers children to develop their own strategies for coping and succeeding. Finally, remember: the ‘back to school’ transition doesn’t end after the first day. It can take several weeks for children, and parents, to fully settle into the rhythm of a new school year. So keep checking in, keep asking questions, and most importantly, keep listening.
If you have any concerns about your child transitioning into the new school year and would like to meet with other parents who may have questions too – come along to one of our Passage Parent Support Group meetings. Dates and venues are listed on our website or contact passage.parents@gmail.com
If you want professional support you can contact the parents helpine services at www.kjt.lu. These services are free and anonymous. They include a parent helpine ‘Elterentelefon’ available in English on Mondays 6-8pm free on 8002 4444 and an online help service available every day through the website. These services are also open to children.
Lynn is a coaching psychologist and the President and Co-founder of Passage asbl. For more information about the coaching programs she offers for parents please visit www.growthstages.com
Volunteer
Contact Us
